A wise man once told me that in the history of tennis, whichever player is the last to hit the ball over or around the net and inside the lines of the court, has won every match in the history of the game. Last time I checked he was correct.
Yet another wise man once told me to bend my knees, watch the ball, and move my feet. Then he proceeded to bill me $50 payable in monthly installments.
Unfortunately for me, I forget all those words of wisdom most of the time in the heat of a match and usually never follow any of that great advice or at least not enough to win a match unless my partner covers 90% of the court and the ball barely touches my strings.
On the other side of the spectrum, you've got Maatta/Tribler who seem to always follow that advice and never seem to make unforced errors or errors in general and hats off to them for accomplishing that impressive feat, but I'm here to argue that it is flat out getting old and that they are blowing it and missing out on all the fun.
When was the last time Maatta/Tribler hit a ball into the back fence on the fly as hard as they could? Probably a good 20 years ago. For me it was less than a week ago and though slightly embarrassing, it did feel pretty good to unleash a ball with zero control to a destination unbeknownst to the sender.
What separates myself and most other average Joes from the Maatta/Triblers of the world is the ability to come up with amazing unforced errors from anywhere on the court usually within the first 2 balls of a rally. And why is that a good thing?
Well, because that puts us in the qualifying draw where anything is possible and you still get a free beer after every match you play. Not to mention that if you are from off island, which there's a good chance I am, you have the possibility of taking 2 weeks off work instead of a measly 1 week off work.
Thus, though it is extremely unlikely, if you run the gauntlet as an unseeded team (after your 21st birthday), you could potentially net yourself 7 free beers before the fortnight is over, and 2 weeks off of work depending how nice your boss is. Luckily I have a very nice boss. Compare those possible 7 free beers a qualifier could net to the maximum 4 free beers that Maatta/Tribler will net if they achieve ultimate success and I'm pretty sure you see logic behind the math.
Never mind that they may win well over a thousand bucks each in a week of error free tennis. It's the principle. 4 free beers vs. 7 free beers. 2 weeks off work vs. 1 week off work. You tell me who emerges victorious in that match up?
All I'm saying is would it be so bad if Maatta/Tribler changed their game plan a little bit and hit a few more unforced errors as hard as they could to the back fence for the pure joy of it to let us know that yes, they are human and can relate to the rest of us mortals and thereby get a few more free beers & cheers as a result.
This may be the worst advice they've ever received in their lives but they can't knock it till they try it. Until then, I'll be cornering this niche market. Bruce, please don't ever seed me in this tournament again for as long as i live.
Brad Lum - Tucker
Former KRC Remote Correspondent
P.S. Apologies to Dennis Lajola for spreading rumors that he will be the next contestant on the Bachelor on NBC this Fall. It turns out the Bachelor airs on ABC, not NBC, and the 2015 season is over as it airs in the spring and not the fall. Therefore this rumor was completely false, but the fact that Dennis Lajola has legendary status is still true on all 7 continents of the globe. Also apologies to Bode/Petrov for comparing them to fashion models in Milan, totally uncalled for and quite possibly disrespectful. My bad guys. Same goes for Lam/Chan, as there is no evidence that either works for Abercrombie & Fitch Ala Moana, thus those reports were erroneous on all counts as well. The fact that they kicked my butt on centre court on Monday night seems like a fitting punishment for my editorial unforced errors. With that being the third strike against my journalism career, I do hereby plead for mercy from the press and resign from my made up post as KRC correspondent intern. But for the record, in my humble opinion, Maatta/Tribler are really undercover spies for Sweden & Denmark respectively and wherever you think they are going to hit their shots, they won't hit it there, and whenever you think their shots are going out, they will always land in. Also, the fact that Ikaika Jobe is indeed still just living the dream on a daily basis seems to have been confirmed. Lastly, the net play of the New Mexico father/son Fulgenzi/Fulgenzi team on Tuesday night was probably the most impressive display of volleys I have ever witnessed live on court 5 at the KRC. I stand by these last three statements and forever hold my peace. That and the opinion that this could be the longest P.S. in recorded history, but records were made to be broken.